January 2013

January 2013
Our Little Family of Three

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Happy Birthday Angelita!

I just wanted to wish one of my good friends a wonderful birthday! She is 25 now....but informed me in the wee hours she still feels like she's 17.

Angel is such a good person. I have known her since the Elementary days. We've gone through a lot together. We've had our ups and our downs. We've cried together, laughed together, endured together.

When ever I think of Angel I think of a few things:

1) Flowers and cards
*She always brings flowers and a beautiful card on special occasions. She's very thoughtful.

2) Bryan
*Angel has married one of the nicest, best guys out there. Bryan is a very compassionate person. He leads by example.

3) Memories
*It seems everytime I'm around Angel we tend to talk about the "old days". We laugh a lot!

4) Determination
*Angel has a strong spirit. Her family has been dealt a hard hand in life and she has only become better from it. She loves her family, her friends, and even complete strangers. She has a great amount of charisma! She's the life of the party!

5) Animals
*I swear all our growing up days, and even now, Angel has had numerous pets. Birds, fish, cats, dogs, rabbits...you name it, she's had it! She loves animals and has a way with them.

6) Beautiful pictures
*Angel is an incredible photographer. She took my families pictures last year (the one posted of me and trav at the top of this blog was taken by her) and many other peoples pictures and they always turn out beautiful. She has an eye for beauty and it shows in her work. If you are interested in getting family pictures take a look at her blog: www.Myangelicmoments.blogspot.com

Angelita, I hope you had a beautiful birthday! I have been thinking about you all day. I know you understand the circumstances...you always do. Please know our hearts are with you as you celebrate the big 2-5 at a skating rink with an 80's themed birthday party! That's just like you too! Go big or go home...you always go big!

I love you!!! Happy birthday!!!


We're still here. Oh my goodness, I have to say this has probably been one of the longest, hardest, fastest, and faith-provoking week of my life. No joke. While I have loved learning and growing in my testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I hope I never have to go through this again. I hope no one has to go through this. With that said, death is inevitable. We will all die at some point. I've come to the conclusion that death is as natural as birth but it feels as unnatural as anything I've ever had to face. It's hard. It's very painful. I also recognize that for some death is a release. It is a way for those who are suffering to escape that awful reality and go somewhere pain-free. While I am happy (TRULY) for those who are able to be released it is hard and extremely scary to "deal with" when you're the one being left behind. When it comes to a fight between true love and selfishness, love will always win. For that reason we are truly wanting what's best for Mercydez. I know I've said that a million times. I keep saying it because I need to remind myself. It's during the hard times when dignity, faith, love, compassion, and strength are defined. I want to step up to the plate and honor those I love by becoming better, not bitter, during these hard times.

Mercydez is still here. She is absolutely incredible. I don't know what else to say. She's determined to be here. To stay. We don't know how long her life will be here on earth but we don't take a second for granted. Seriously. Life is fragile. Life is good. Mercydez has been a blessing. I love her so much.

Nic and Ash have been incredible too. They are rocks. They refuse to let their faith in God and their testimony that God is a loving God shake. They are rooted and refuse to be otherwise. In fact, it was during one of the many moments we had, when we thought Mercydez was going to leave us, that Ashley took the opportunity to share her testimony with loved ones. She encouraged them to honor her by learning and becoming better through this. She encouraged us to pray for comfort. And she said all this while holding her precious baby in her arms, with Nic's arms around the two of them...not knowing what the next few seconds held. It was absolutely stunning. And absolutely horrible. Uhh...I don't know what I'm trying to say...only that I love and admire Nic and Ash. I will be forever grateful to them and only hope to love and serve them as much as I can. They are good people.

We have had so many family and friends come and express words of kindness, bring meals, text & call, etc. Thank you. Thank you for thinking of us. We know everyone is dealing with their own trials and for all of you to take the time to share your love....we are so grateful. Thank you.

We are trying to get back to "normal" now. Mercydez is doing much better but she's still extremely weak and tired. Like I said above, the only thing we know right now is that WE DON'T KNOW. Nothing is predictible only the unpredictable. I'm sure I'm confusing you...with everything we've gone through this week my brain has kind of turned off. I can't remember anything right now so I wouldn't be surprised if I'm making no sense at all. But we are trying to be normal. I went back to school Thursday and had a hard time. I was so nervous to leave the house. I did okay but I think I irritated Ashley to no-end because I was calling and texting every 30 minutes or so to check on things.

I would be extremely ungrateful if I didn't post an expression of appreciation to my husband. Travis has really stepped up. He has just sat with me, doing a whole lot of nothing, while watching and pondering Mercydez. He made sure to always have physical contact with me too. I noticed his hand on my back when I was sitting on the bed bawling my eyes out, his finger twisted around my fingers when I was cuddling with Mercydez, his arm around me as I sat staring off in space. Travis really is incredible. I have often laid in bed (on the nights I'm able to keep my eyes opened) and wondered why I have been so lucky to get a man who cares. He cares about me so much. Do I deserve this? NO! But for some reason I have been blessed. I am so grateful for him. Travis, I love you. Thank you for putting everything aside (cancelling your trip to Seattle to be with your dad, brother, sister and her family) to offer comfort and support. I hope I can give you the gift of going to Seattle in the near future. I know you were looking forward to spending time with your dad and Nolan, John & Kahli and "the boys". I'm so sorry you cancelled that yet so grateful you did.

Travis' family has been so supportive as well. Thank you, Bruce, Mary Kay, Cam & Alicia, Nolan & Katie, John & Kahli for your concern. I have married into an incredible family. They are wonderful people. Thank you.

We don't know what this week will hold. However I am going to do my best to acknowledge the hand of God in all things. I worry Mercydez stayed with us because of the pressure to stay from loved ones (what I mean by "loved ones" is me). When I think about that too much I feel extremely guilty. I don't want her to stay and suffer because of my selfish desires. I have honestly prayed for Heavenly Fathers' will to be done. I believe in answered prayers. So if she's still here it must be His will. If she passes it's His will. I HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT.

uhhh...so many thoughts and feelings. I feel like my body could explode from the intensity of all these things going through me right now. I don't know. It's crazy.

We love you and will keep you posted. Thank you for your prayers. WE HAVE FELT THE POWER BEHIND THEM. I've told some of you that before. It's the truth.


**I just wanted to express my love for a little boy who has spent his first year of life in the hospital. My little Corbin celebrated his first birthday this past thursday (Oct 23rd) with family, friends, nurses, doctors....and he did so in the hospital. I have had little Corbin on my mind a lot lately. I have mourned for his parents who have had to raise their first child in the NICU. They have to drive everyday to see their son, to kiss him good night, tell him good morning, to play with him, to talk with him...Stacy and Chance are noble people. They are amazing parents. Stacy and Chance have also influenced me for the better. I have had many conversations with Stacy. Most through texting and some through phone calls. She has been a rock for me. Thank you, Stacy. Even though your precious son is in the hospital you always take the time to check in with us to see how our little miracle girl is doing.

They received some great news though! CORBIN GETS TO GO HOME THIS WEDNESDAY!!! That is a miracle. They are deserving of this. I am so happy for them. I can't wait to meet my little chunky monkey. I have never met him but I love him passionately. You guys are on my mind constantly.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

An update

My precious baby-niece is still with us. We are doing all we can to stay strong in our faith. We are surrounding her with love, cuddling, singing, kisses, reminiscing, and testimonies of eternal families. In fact, I've had the great opportunity to have been cuddling with her all morning. We've been laying on the bed, singing primary songs together. I've been playing with her little hands and her cute little feet. Children are such miracles. Children are such blessings.

Nic and Ash are staying strong...they are tired but won't leave their daughters side. Who can blame them? She's so beautiful. She's so strong. She's such a great example. She gets these great characteristics from her incredible parents. I look up to Nic and Ash so much. I hope they know that even though I have been and will continue to be crying next to them, I have a shoulder to cry on as well. I ache to be a part of this. I love the three of them too much not to be. This little family is just phenomenal.

I find it amazing Mercydez has the strength to influence people so strongly. I've had numerous people express deep love for our girl. We are so blessed to have her as ours. Oh, how I'll miss her! It nearly kills me.

Thank you for your prayers. Please keep praying.
Thank you for caring and loving Nic, Ash, & Mercydez so much, as well. She has been living off of love. She's had a beautiful life. And if it's Heavenly Fathers will we will do all we can to continue to offer her the best, most beautiful life possible. If not, we will honor, respect, and always remember her...my baby.

She is so beautiful.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Love, happiness, and a huge amount of faith

What an eventful few days we've had. Travis did an incredible job surprising me with many activities! We went and saw Aida at The Hale Center Theater Thursday night. That was an incredible show and the music was great. We also went to the Covey Center for the Arts and saw a show by the Utah Premiere Brass. It was very entertaining! The music was great and I thought it was even better that they applied their music to movies of past and present. They did a great job proving how much music influences movies, feelings, scenes, etc. We went up to Gardner Village (quickly becoming one of my new favorite places) and had lunch while enjoying a great show called "Witch-a-polooza". It was so entertaining and super cute. So, basically we have had the great opportunity to celebrate for three days and it has been marvelous. I couldn't pick a better person to spend so much time with. :) I am madly in love with Travis and am so happy because of him. He is incredible. He is so passionate and kind. He is gentle and thoughtful. He is unique and perfect for me. He truly is my best friend. I'm grateful for that. I love that we not only love each other, we like each other.

With all of this happiness there has been quite the trial. Our precious Mercydez is sick. She's really been struggling and we are just leaning on our faith. We know Heavenly Father is heavily involved with Mercydez and her life. She has been a gift to us. She has made us better. She has influenced me in such a great amount..I am crazy about her. My heart has grown a thousand times over. And it's all because of this precious, beautiful baby girl.

If it is her time to go - though it will be hard - I will be so happy for her. She lived an incredible life. She lived and testified of the beauty of the church, of eternal families, of life after death. She has taught me so much in such a short amount of time. My heart is physically breaking, I can feel it. It hurts so bad I can barely breathe. I look at her and just ache to take her pain and suffering away. I also ache for Nic and Ash. This has been so hard for them. It is a parents worst nightmare to lose a child. They have been so incredible. They are determined to allow her to leave this world surrounded by loved ones, being held and protected. They love her so much and she loves them.

The past twelve to twenty-four hours have been so hard and so sacred. I almost shudder thinking about sharing them so casually on my blog. I have felt the pure love of God through my niece. I have felt of her incredibly strong, mature, and PERFECT spirit through her struggles. And for that reason alone I ache. I hate that she has struggled so much. I hate that she has gone through hell - LITERALLY - numerous times and still fights to live. She has such strength.

I am sorry I can't go on and on about my wonderful anniversary. I had planned on posting an enormous love note (an appropriate one) on line...I just can't right now. My heart is being shattered every moment. My faith is what's allowing me to breathe. No matter when "my baby" leaves this world I know I will have an empty hole in my heart and in my spirit that will never be filled. AND THAT'S OKAY. I lean on my faith in God. My faith in eternal families. I know I will be with Mercydez again and when I see her again she will be able to dance and sing and play. I can't wait for that moment. I will fall to the ground with tears in my eyes and an overwhelming sense of love in my heart. That doesn't mean it will be easy though.

I love this precious Angel. She is my life. She is my soul. She is mine.

Please pray for us. Please pray that Heavenly Father's will be done. If it is time for her to pass please pray it will be done in a peaceful, loving environment with little or no suffering. If it is not her time to pass please pray she may recover in peace. We only want what is truly best for this incredible child, even if it's not what we want. Her suffering is our suffering. Her happiness is our happiness. Please remember Nic and Ashley as well. They need comfort and support at this time. No one knows what lies ahead for precious Mercydez. All we know is that we have faith that Heavenly Father is a part of her life, and for that we are so grateful. Because of our faith in God we know things will work out the way they are supposed to, on His timeline. It is ultimately Him who knows what is best for her. So, please pray for that. Pray for what's best for Mercydez.

God bless you and yours.

Sunday, October 12, 2008


So I was tagged by my sister, Ash. I have no idea how to copy and paste the picture that goes with the whole "tag" game. But I'm supposed to write seven weird facts about myself. I have been trying and trying to come up with some.....this is the best I can do:

1) I love school. I am the annoying girl in the hall who is always smiling because she's soooo happy to be there, even when it's 7:00 am!

2) I have been married for five years, in Utah valley, and still don't have children. I don't flaunt this in an obnoxious way, so please don't take it like that. It's just odd to be in the situation we're in while living where we live. We honestly want to have children. Now just isn't the time. PLUS! We have our nieces and nephews as our "children" right now!!!! We love them like our own!

3) I am uncomfortable wearing shorts shorter than about an inch or two above my knee. I feel naked and I don't like it.

4) I jump when I sleep

5) I was at my dentists a few weeks ago for my cleaning and the hygienist was cleaning my teeth in such a detailed way she actually knocked out a crown and IT SLID DOWN MY THROAT!! Yeah, I swallowed the sucker. It was horrible. I sat up and looked at the hygienist and said, "I think I just swallowed my tooth. I don't know if I should be embarrassed or laugh because it's hilarious." I've basically decided my dentist is nothing shy of a moron. As soon as our trade is gone I'm switching dentists. I won't even begin telling you the rest of the story...if you catch my drift. ;)

6) I shave my arms. Go ahead, gasp and think I'm odd. Now look at your arms and come to the harsh realization that mine don't look like yours. :)

7) I've thrown up on the Statue of Liberty grounds, right outside an outdoor cafe. It was horrible. Need I say more? Didn't think so.

So now I'm supposed to tag a few other people but I think everyone I know, that has a blog, has been tagged. So, I'll take a stab in the dark and pick people I believe haven't been tagged yet: Pinky, Sheila, Deedra, Jessie, & Liza.


"Umm, yeah. It's been five years"

Travis and I are approaching our anniversary and we're stoked! I have had an amazing marriage thus far. I married a man who is truly a man. He has so much I admire and try to emulate. Seriously. He has inspired me to be better. I know people always say that but I really mean it. Travis is the one who showed me how to work for what I want. A perfect example of this is my education. Before I married Trav I knew it was important to go to college but I didn't value it. I wasn't overly anxious to get my degree because I didn't understand the importance of it. This is no ones fault but my own. I just didn't get it.

The first few years (umm...okay like the first four years) of marriage I was the breadwinner and Trav was the student. He went to school and did homework all the time. I remember him taking the time to write a good paper. He never settled for mediocre. He ALWAYS put his all into his assignments. Me on the other hand...I'd B.S. my way through anything. So long as I passed I was happy. Oh, how things have changed! I spent my entire day yesterday at school! I spent well over ten hours on a three page paper (six if it's double spaced!) and that's a big deal for me! I NEVER used to do that. I totally credit Trav for leading by example. He has always worked hard for his grade and more often then not it paid off. I want to be just like him.

So, our five year anniversary is approaching (it's this Thursday to be exact!!!). Trav has taken it upon himself to make plans for the entire weekend. We'll be celebrating for a few days. I can't wait. I have no idea what's up his sleeve but I'm sure it's going to be awesome!!! FIVE YEARS!?!?!? How time flies!

I was the first to get married in my family. That was a hard time. There were many nights I would cry and cry and cry. I had never been away from my family, not even temporarily! It was a hard adjustment. Looking back I can laugh at it but I'll tell you what! When I was living in the moment Trav handled it perfectly. Kudos to you cutie.

Anyway, I have loved being married. I would like to share some of my greatest married moments with you:

1) "borrowing" (I use the word loosely) toilet paper from my parents because we didn't have money to buy some. My younger sister, Auriel, saw me sneak out a roll and asked (in front of everyone) why I was taking a roll, to which I explained (to everyone) that we had no money!

2) Driving out to Minnesota for our annual visit and being pulled over in the ugliest state from I-80, Wyoming, and getting a $200 ticket. Getting home only to get TWO MORE TICKETS! This is the point I implemented the 1 ticket = 1 month of cooking rule. I'm happy to say that so far it's worked.

3) Getting baby hungry around year two of marriage (and freaking Trav out!) only to be called to primary and decide I never want to have children (my heart has softened since then, thankfully).

4) Playing co-ed softball with Travis once a week during the summer. Although I don't play anymore I frequently think about how fun it was to play together.

5) Some of my favorite moments with Trav are those quick moments that pass so fast you don't realize they even exist....I do though. I love it when we find the same thing hilarious at the exact same time. We burst into laughter and look at each other. It's only for a moment but it's a moment of pure joy. I love watching Trav laugh.

6) Ahhh....one of my FAVORITE moments of being married! I hope you're sitting down. Our first year or so of marriage in our apartment. We frequently have our niece and nephews spend the weekend with us. This one particular weekend we had the three of them, Braxton, Marin, & Grayson....now this was a while ago so they were a lot smaller than they are now. Well Trav was teasing Marin and making her cry (he always does this). Marin is a quick learner. She caught on to the whole teasing thing and figured out how to push his buttons. So she did. And she did it well. Well, Trav had had enough and got after her. Marin started crying and came running to me. I got after Trav to which he said, "You always take her side!" and stomped out of the room! I couldn't help but to laugh. Even now I find it hilarious!

7) Taking family pictures (my side) and watching Trav stand by the women because he's so much shorter then the boys in my family. Trav is good natured and takes it. I love that he can laugh at himself and not take things so seriously.

8) Spending an entire month with him in NYC. That was awesome. I loved walking the streets of Manhattan with him. It totally rocked! I'd have to say he's my favorite travel buddy!!

9) Pillow talk. So many people have televisions or other distractions in their bedrooms. Travis and I have vowed not to. We don't have anything against those who enjoy having TV's and stuff in their rooms! We just value our pillow talk time. It's really the only opportunity we have to discuss important things. Yes, during pillow talk we talk about how grateful we are that we have pillow talk. ;)

10) Going camping with him in the desert. Trav didn't know it rains in the desert at night and when he found out he was laying on his back in a tent with his arms and legs sticking straight up holding the tent up. At the same time he was yelling "I THOUGHT IT DIDN'T RAIN IN THE DESERT!!!!!" He was so ticked but my whole family (including myself) was laughing in their own tents (yes! They heard him!) which made him even more upset.

Those are just a few of my favorite moments. I'll share more when it's our actual anniversary - I know you're thrilled....you don't have to tell me!

Other than our anniversary coming up things have been pretty much the same 'ol - same 'ol. I am working my buns off at school and I'm soooooo happy to be there. Seriously, I haven't been this happy with my career-life in a while. I just smile when I'm not crying from all the stress of homework, presentations, papers, and tests. Ugh...I'm a horrible test-taker.

Trav is still doing his "thang" with his art. We have some hopeful things taking place right now but I don't dare share too much for fear of jinxing ourselves. He's been busy working on new projects and making contacts. I am soooo freaking proud of him for having the courage to follow his dreams.

We did go to a concert this past week. Anyone heard of Weezer before?!? OF COURSE YOU HAVE! It was an awesome show. I'd probably say it was one of my favorite concerts. We didn't have general admission, good thing because there were some stupid guys moshing in there, but we still enjoyed the show. Rivers Cuomo is one weird guy but he's awesome to watch! He brought in a little trampoline and was jumping on it while playing his guitar! The band came out in white jump-suits but Rivers also had a head sock on. It was hilarious. They did a good job of not only performing their songs but PUTTING ON A SHOW. They had a lot of interaction with the audience too.

In fact Weezer had a radio station out here do auditions for anyone who would want to play with them during their concert. They had about 30 people up on stage playing guitars, tubas, trumpets, accordians, cellos, etc. It was awesome. I've never heard of a band sharing their love of music in that way.

One thing that stands out about the concert is the people (the good people) in General Admission held a boy up on their shoulders in his wheel chair. It was awesome! Out of nowhere this boy was sitting in his wheel chair above everyone. I actually got the chills when I saw that.

Anyways, we've been busy and doing well. I've blabbed enough. I hope you are all doing well too.

Happy October!!!! It's a great month, isn't it!???!!!