January 2013

January 2013
Our Little Family of Three

Thursday, September 15, 2011

30 minutes

and then I need to take off.

Hm, how do I accurately describe my first few weeks of school? I don't think I can. It's been awful. I have been pulled in what feels like every direction. I have the opportunity to learn music for the UVU Wind Symphony as well as UVU Orchestra. However, I don't think I'm going to do it. I am really trying to focus on my recital (tentatively scheduled for December 6th - used to be in November, not anymore) rather than stretch myself incredibly thin.

I also dropped all my choir classes. I think I'm done with that stage in my life. I'm ready to move on to bigger things. I am, however, in a community choir with my mom and Ashley. That's been fun..I guess. I don't know what's gotten into me but I'm just NOT enjoying choir anymore. Uhg.

I had a rough week last week but things are looking up. I'm slowly deleting classes/credit hours and it's feeling marvelous. I think I'm at 15 or 16 credits now. Next semester I'm hoping to student teach. My goal is to student teach at the same school Travis teaches at. It would be great because then we could car pool to work and have lunch together. Travis wouldn't be my cooperating teacher (that's not allowed, for good reason too.) but it would still be quite the experience working together. We've never done that before. ;)

What else can I ramble about? Oh, Kolton is doing well. He was sick for about a week or so and sent us letters expressing his misery and desire to "punch [his] companion in the face". Ha! He also said he has been thinking about "punching his 'investigator' in the face" too. His "investigator" is his Spanish teacher, so Kolton has spent more time with him than the 10 or so minutes it takes to meet with an "investigator".

Sounds like he's having a lovely time, if you ask me. We heard from him today and he sounds MUCH better. He's not sick anymore, thank goodness. But he's anxious to get out to Mexico and dive into the work out there. He'll be great, I just know it. But until then we've been trying to encourage him to take things one day at a time. I think Kolton is a perfectionist so he struggles when he feels like he's not learning things fast enough or may be letting someone down. It's in his blood to over achieve. I'm sure the time will come when that over achieving will happen but until then he'll have to give himself a break. He's human, after all.

In regards to Kolton having a hard time and feeling discouraged, plus my sucky week last week, I'd like to share a quote I came across. This quote totally lifted my spirits. It was awesome for me in my moment of ugliness.

A GREAT SAILOR DIDN'T BECOME GREAT IN CALM SEAS.

So, I guess Kolton and I (and everyone else for that matter) are bound for greatness because this life isn't calm.

Okay, I've only typed for like 10 minutes but I'm going to check out for now. I need to run to the bank.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Welcome home, Shtinky!

Thanks! It's good to be back! :)

I was thinking about all the things that have gone on the last couple of months and to be honest with you, I don't know why I haven't blogged until now. I've had more time than usual...sort of. I just haven't had the motivation. I really should have blogged though because a lot has happened within the last 6 - 8 weeks. To keep things simple I think I'll post in bullet point format:

o I quit my job at First Choice Home Health & Hospice. I gave them my one month notice near the end of July. I sobbed and sobbed that day. It isn't easy for me to walk away from a place I feel I grew up in. Many of those people are dear friends. Many of them I admire and am so close too. The people I worked directly with have been so wonderful. And my supervisor is one of the best bosses I have EVER had. Quitting my job was like leaving a part of my heart, never to get it back again. It was a hard day. However, I have now been jobless (sort of) since August 26th and I am at complete peace. I know it was the right thing to do. I haven't missed the work, just the people. I find myself having small panic attacks because I just know there's something I'm needing to do at work. And then I remember I don't have to worry about that anymore. I have the great opportunity and blessing to just focus on my music for the next year. Yippppeee!

o We had a last little "hoorah" stay-cation with my family mid-July. We did all activities local. We went up the canyon and played, we camped over night in the mountains (I swear I thought we were going to be eaten by a bear. I didn't sleep well that night), we went on a few hikes to lakes and water falls, we watched movies, went wave running on the lake (Trav and I didn't go because we couldn't afford to rent wave runners), etc. It was a lot of fun! I'll post some pics for ya'll to enjoy.

o Kolton entered the MTC on August 24th. That was one of the hardest days I've had in a while. I don't know what I expected but I didn't expect it to be THAT hard. It honestly felt like another loss in the family. I had intentionally scheduled my therapy for that night because I knew it was going to be hard on me. I'm so grateful I did. I needed to purge myself of somethings as well as gain perspective. I cried and cried during that session. I cried REALLY hard. It was bitter-sweet. Kolton will be serving a full-time LDS Mission. This means that for the next two years we will have very little contact with him. We can write letters/emails as much as we'd like but he is only able to read and respond once a week. We cannot call, text, or stop by and visit him. It's been RoUgH. I have a new admiration for the families who send off missionaries. Wow. I was so shocked with how hard it was, emotionally, I found myself a little angry. It was weird.

o I was hired by the Scera to teach a 55+ choir for adults in the community over the age of 55. I'm really excited about this, however I'm a little concerned too. I am supposed this is the first time they're offering a choir to adults in the community, so I'm supposed to build this program from the ground up. I have no clue what I'm doing as I've never done anything like this before. I'm stoked with the idea that I get to APPLY what I've been studying for the last 3 1/2 years and that hopefully I'll see a paycheck. But until then, I've got to figure out how to recruit effectively. The Scera also offered me two children's choirs. I'm soooo excited. One choir is ages Kindergarten - 2nd grade and the other is 3rd grade - 5th grade. So if any of you are 55+ and want to be in a community choir ($20/month) or have children/grandchildren between Kindergarten & 5th grade who would enjoy a children's choir ($20/month) send them to the Scera in Orem! I'll be the lucky one to teach them!

o Travis took the Praxis test for the third time and finally passed that beast of a test. This is a required test he has to take to get his teaching license. It is one of the worst tests ever written. No, seriously. Every test analysis done on it proves how poor it is. So why do they continue to use it if it sucks so bad? Because it's easy to "grade" (they use a bubble sheet) and it's cheap (they scan the test and BAM! They have the results). Because of this, all those who are wanting to get their teaching license HAVE to take this blasted test. It's ridiculous! But we're happy to announce that Trav passed! He's now done with that! He has one more class to take and he'll be a licensed teacher. Gooooo Mr. Braun!!!

o I am hoping to graduate within the next year. This idea brings a smile to my face. I have been pursuing my undergrad long enough. I've dealt with too many stupid people. I have had to go to battle for myself enough. I am ready to move forward. However, I have recently decided my dream is not to lead a choir. No, my dream is to be a soloist. I want to be in an opera too. 4 years ago I never thought I'd say that. But there is something dignified and incredibly challenging about being a classical soloist. I want to tackle that. Because of this, I'm planning on applying and attending a master's program in Vocal performance. I recently met with a professor and shared my thoughts about my dream of being a soloist and he totally encouraged it. He had a lot of compliments and I graciously listened (I've had a little bit of a rough summer vocally). So, within the next year, hopefully, I'll have my undergrad done and will be looking into graduate schools. I'm thinkin' I'll be going to the University of Utah, if they'll accept me.

o I have been incredibly sensitive to smells and tastes. Please do not stand near me if you haven't showered in the last day or so OR if you've eaten anything garlic-y. It's disgusting and I can barely keep what little tact I have in me when I hold back my dry-heaving. S.I.C.K. I'm also gaining a little bit of...shall we call it a flat tire? It's crazy because guess what? I'm NOT pregnant. But someone I'm close to is and I'm totally suffering her pregnancy "stuff". I sleep like a bear in hibernation. I eat NON-STOP. I'm totally emotional (although I was before) and I can smell pickles a mile away. Hehe. It'll totally be worth it though when I see the little nugget! I can't wait. Although, I should say I am in no way saying I am feeling all things pregnant like "she" is (she has yet to blog about it - e'hem - so I can't mention names.). She is so willing to endure whatever is thrown at her and do so with dignity. She rarely complains. In fact, I had no idea she was feeling discouraged and exhausted until the other night. I have been insensitive and blind to her feelings and I regret that. I've been so focused on me and what I'm going through (boohoo, right?)...I've decided I'm not going to keep focusing on me. She deserves better. Angel and her deserve the world for what they quietly suffer. I love you both for you faith, your determination, your gratitude, your examples.

o School started back up for both Travis and me. It's been hard for both of us. We enjoyed our summer months way too much. But we can say, with gratitude, that it was a wonderful summer. Travis got a lot of his art done and still has plenty to keep him motivated and busy. I was able to take some beastly classes and get them out of the way. We were able to have a wonderful visit out to Minnesota (I love that place!) as well. It's so nice going back there. We have so much to be grateful for. Really, we do.

o I have started teaching voice lessons and I love it! It's been challenging to learn the pedagogy of it all but it's been very rewarding. I have awesome family members who are willing to let me experiment on them until I feel confident in my approach to teaching technique. They're all wonderful and each of them honestly have beautiful voices. It's been fun working with them. Because of this, I'm hoping to have my own vocal studio where I teach classical technique (not belt!). I think it could be a great way to help contribute to our income, when the time comes. Until then, I hope to pick up a few students to help with my lack of income now that I've quit my job.

o Travis experienced what I would like to call "the attack of the grill" the other night. We decided to grill hot dogs and veggie burgers for dinner. When Trav went out to light the grill he couldn't get the match to light. When he finally got one, he threw it in the grill but by then the propane had been running for a bit. Needless to say, the end result was singed eyelashes and arm hair. Bahahaha! I laugh thinking about the poor guy! But apparently it happens quite often. Not to him but to everyone. The grill must feel it has something to say because I've heard a lot of stories similar to this one. Oh, how I love my husband. He's so awesome.

o I auditioned for band and orchestra at UVU and I got in! Ha! They were desperate for oboe players, obviously. Oboe players are hard to come by. That's not the easiest instrument to learn. I know they have me down for band but I haven't heard back about orchestra. I honestly don't care what they decide though. It was a good experience to audition. Humiliating but good.

o I have my junior recital coming up in a couple of months. I'm excited to nail this thing! It's gonna be fun! So, if you live near by, save the evening of Monday, November 14th. My recital will be free and will be less than an hour. :) I'd love to have you attend, if you're able!

Okay, I need to get to bed. I'll have to post pictures another day. I'm waaay too tired right now. G'night.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

48 hours from now

We'll be in MINNESOTA!!! I always look forward to our visits out there. Let me list a few of the reasons why:


1) Green, green, green and absolutely gorgeous

2) We love hangin' out with Travis's parents, it doesn't matter what we do: out seeing a matinee, having dinner on the screened-in porch, playing cards, watching "So You Think You Can Dance", or cooking (hellooooo pazelles (sp?)) - they pretty much rock!

3) We're SUPER excited to see Nolan, Katie and our adorable niece Kherington (SO CUTE!!!!!!!!) again! We haven't seen them since Christmas!

4) We're thrilled to see Nicki & Kenny and meet their beautiful little Natalie!

5) It's ALWAYS a good time when Tim & Jen are around - of course. :)

6) Seeing Grandma Braun and playing 500
- I still suck at this game. Give me another 50 years and I might have it down...maybe.

7) Fishing with Dad
- I REFUSE to bait my fishing pole and often don't want to touch the fish but I still enjoy a peaceful afternoon out on the lake

8) FREAKING LOVE FARMERS MARKET!

9) Have I mentioned pazelles yet? ;)

10) Taking things one day at a time, not thinking about tomorrow just thinking about today. It's such a nice experience.

11) Watching the fireworks over the lake from the screened in porch while drinkin' daiquiris
- We did this a couple of years ago when Nic and Ash came out with us. It was such a beautiful night.

12) Going for evening walks around the neighborhood, exploring the neighborhood dock to the lake (is that what it's called?)

13) sNuGgLiNg to stay warm because the basement is FREEZING
- I'm not complaining. I sleep better in the cold and when I have my husband cuddling up to me. ;)

14) Attending church and meeting such good, humble people. It's also fun to see people from the last time we were out there.

15) Hittin' up the local garage sales
- It's WAY more fun with Mary Kay but since she can't go Trav and I try to do our best to find treasures.


We. Can't. Wait.

Monday, June 20, 2011

a cute little story (or two) to prove he's adorable

Tonight we had butter pound cake with vanilla ice cream and fresh blackberries on top. It was to die for. Delicious. Heavenly.

A conversation came about that went something like this:

Travis: What fruit is this? Are these blackberries?
Mom: Yes, they're blackberries.
Me: They're amazing, Mom! Why?
Travis: Are either of you getting seeds stuck in your teeth?
[Mom and I giggle a little]
Me: Cutie, you don't chew blackberries.
Travis: What do you do if you don't chew them?
Me: I don't know. You sort of...
Mom: ...squish them between your tongue and the roof of your mouth.
Travis: Hm.

[pause while we all take another bite]

Travis: [CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP!]
Me & Mom: {look over at Trav and burst into loud laughter]
Me: Cutie! You DON'T chew blackberries!
Mom: [STILL LAUGHING as Trav looks over at us with HUGE eyes]
Travis: I'm trying to get the seeds out of my teeth!
Me: By chewing them?!

-------------------------

So lately Travis has been spending HOURS in his studio doing his art. He has been in heaven. I have been doing my best not to disturb him anymore than I have too. It's hard. I know it'll be harder once this summer block of classes ends because I should have way more free time and may want to spend some of it with him. I'll have to find a "buddy" to take his place for the summer. I don't want to mess up his goals.

Anyway, part of my not spending much time with him is he stays up until the wee hours of the night/morning. I try to be in bed at a descent time so I go to bed long before he does. Well, one night he crept into bed without waking me. He was able to fall fast asleep...and then the following happened:

Me & Trav: {honk! ZZZZZ!] <= That's us sleeping ;)

Ahhhhhhh!
[HIGH PITCH, LOUD, FREAKY SCREAM with an equally huge body jump (the kind where you're still asleep)!!!!!!]

Me: [startled awake] Trav?

[silence]

Me: [roll over to look at Trav] Trav, are you okay?
Travis: [laying on his back, WIDE EYED] Huh?
Me: Are you okay?

[Trav slowly moves his humongous eyes to look at me without moving his head (like he was paralyzed)]

Trav: Did I...
Me: [between laughter] You...just...screamed...like...a...WOMAN!

[I'm trying not to laugh too hard because he still seems to be half asleep.]

Trav: That was me?
Me: Yeah!
Trav: I knew I heard something but I couldn't tell if it was you or me.
Me: Well, it wasn't me! What were you dreaming about? [still giggling]
Trav: I don't know. A nightmare of some sort.

[silence]

Me: [softly giggling] Go back to sleep, Cutie.

30 seconds later, Trav is out cold, floppin' like a fish.
And I'm doing everything I can to avoid shaking the bed from laughing so hard.

I love this man.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Most Powerful Truth I've Ever Heard

"JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TRUE."

That little line has opened my eyes and freed my spirit. Just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean it's true. Despite what you may be thinking right now, I did not hear that in my Ed Psych class or my Multicultural class. No, this truth came from my wonderful therapist. When he first told me this I closed my eyes and asked him to repeat it, "Say that again." He did this three times. My soul needed to hear it. Then to hear it again. Then again.

So the next time you're feeling stuck in a rut, I encourage you to say these words out loud and REALLY analyze the situation. Is the way you feel based off of your own experiences and interpretations? Because if it is this is most definitely a truth - but it's your truth and yours alone. So what is real truth? I think real truth is when one takes on the perspective of others, not just their own, and looks at the situation from multiple stand points. Only then will a real truth be exposed.

I'm mediocre, at best, when it comes to doing this. It takes a lot of control. It's so much easier to be angry and offended. Lashing out is much easier than asking yourself, "What happened to make me feel this way? Was this the intent of the situation - to make me feel [insert emotion]?" It's really hard to take a look at things with clear eyes.

But even if you don't want to, which is completely up to you, just remember that "JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TRUE." It may be true to you but it's not to others. Their truths are different from yours and if you're not willing to look at things from their perspective, don't expect them to do just that for you.

I know it sounds like I'm lecturing or chastising. I'm not. I'm just sharing my thoughts as I continue to try to analyze myself and the world. It's crazy stuff. But it's so exciting to know that I have the ability to gain and keep control of my emotions and thoughts. It's just a matter of conscious effort and strict persistence.

PS Everyone needs a therapist. Whether you believe it or not, it's the truth. ;)

Friday, June 10, 2011

A new favorite expression

is:

H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS

Don't believe me? Read on, my friend.

PS I got me a rad pair of spectacles :)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

It's 11:33pm

and I'm not in bed yet. This isn't good. I have been taking classes this summer (hence my lack of posting) and I have turned into a night owl. While I definitely prefer early mornings to late nights, I must say it's quite the experience to be wide awake at 11:30. I feel like I'm just getting started with my day. NOT. GOOD.

The classes I've been taking this summer (first block classes) have really stretched my thinking. I have LOVED it. My two favorite classes are my Educational Psychology class and a Multicultural class. My Ed Psych class is so intense. I have spent hours and hours and hours reading. While it's been a little rough getting used to reading so much I have loved what I've gained from it. We studied the development of the brain, individual motivation and self-efficacy and how these two factors directly influence an individuals success and/or failure. It's fascinating.



We also studied multiple theories on moral development, social development, cognitive development (going back to the brain and it's many functions), and many learning theories (behavioral vs cognitive vs social cognitive theory). It has been amazing!!!! I wouldn't mind taking some time to seriously study psychology. I think it would help me understand all the stupid people in the world. No, not stupid - just not fully developed. You see, now when I look at someone who just irritates the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me, I can analyze them based off of what little I've been exposed to. by analyzing them I am less likely going to desire to attack them (you better believe I have a certain individual...or two...in mind).

So, why do you care? Well, you should care because I'm more than likely going to analyze you at some point in time. Not because I think I've been empowered with all the tools necessary to accurately analyze, oh no. You see, I'm also analyzing myself: what motivates me and why? Am I extrinsically motivated or intrinsically motivated? Where do I suffer from low self-efficacy and why? How can I change this? And you better believe I'm trying to figure out how to better practice self-regulation. In order to understand these things in myself I need to be active in meta cognition.

hehe...this is really quite fun. I'll bet I'm annoying the h-e-double-hockey-sticks outta you right now (unless you know what I'm talking about - or what I think I understand I'm talking about).



I'm really enjoying this deeper level of thinking and discussion - authentic conversations - I'm all about it. I'm sick of the light feathery stuff. I like the nitty-gritty. But I'm practicing creating a safe environment so these authentic conversations can take place. We've had many dinner conversations about controversial topics (what the world has titled controversial). I am trying to analyze everything! It's awesome! I'm most likely not accurate a good majority of the time, but so long as it makes sense to me and keeps me from hating you, I'm happy. (by "you" I mean the individuals who aren't "fully developed" yet..you know the stupid people who seem to procreate faster than I can blink..)

My other class, Multicultural Instruction, has stretched me in other ways. We read about and discuss controversial subjects: racism, white privilege, sexism, homosexuality, religion, socioeconomic status, politics, etc. I don't feel my beliefs have changed, but my perspective and understanding has. This is where my deep conversations come into play. I like to SAFELY DISCUSS these issues. Not to say I'm right and you're wrong, or vise-verse, but to gain understanding and insight. I'm totally fine walking away from a conversation without agreeing. The idea of discussing isn't to convince or persuade (something a certain individual needs to read up on), it is to DISCUSS AND GAIN UNDERSTANDING. Imagine that. I can have my beliefs and thoughts on a subject and you can have yours AND WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS. It's called tolerance, respect, and acceptance. Yup. tested, tried, and true. It can happen. I know this because it does happen.

Of all the many things I'm walking away with from my classes the one thing that rings true to me (and you don't have to agree with this) is: it's really unfortunate we have made certain subjects "inappropriate" or "controversial". That, in and of itself, is "inappropriate" and "controversial" to me. We should be able to talk about things openly and honestly. We should be able to trust one another to respect our views and beliefs, even if they don't agree.

I'm trying to do better because I don't want to be like those who claim to be one thing but in the end it's merely lip service. So, to work my way away from becoming like this, I'm going to pose two questions for you to think about. I want you to REALLY think about this...

1) What is "intelligence" (basically I'm asking you to define intelligence in your own words)?

and

2) Is "intelligence" measurable (through testing, observation, etc can you measure an individuals intelligence)?


These are not trick questions. In fact, I'm going to be explicit and tell you there is not a right/wrong answer (authentic conversations, Here we come!!)

I'd share more of my thoughts, which I know you're deeply invested in, but it's now 12:18 and I need to break this late-night bologna.


Peace and love, ya'll.